Georgie’s fucking awesome. we talked over the radio this morning. she’s only in the Coast Guard temporarily, her main job is flying for relief projects in like Somalia. she says she worked a ton of wage-slave jobs in the Midwest & one day she was all fuck this, I’m gonna join the military & get some skills so I can do something worthwhile. seriously. who actually does that?

it just reminded me how useless I been feeling lately. SH used to help people too, even if with the way things was set up it was usually at least half by accident.

I said that to Georgie without going into a lot of incriminating detail about what exactly I do. she told me it’s hard on her end too. (ETA: that’s what she said.) whatever. wish I was bringing food to starving kids & hauling around like those windup laptops instead of flying Agent Settergren to AG-I headquarters, which is what I did with the rest of the day. fuck, soooo sick of AG-I. their matching uniforms & their little theme song & their invisible plane that’s less sapient than Moustachio & STILL gives me fucking tude. FUCK YOU, INVISIBLE PLANE.

superheroes can all suck my invisible titanium dick.


the last few times I been out on the ocean at dawn, I seen this little Coast Guard H65-Dolphin hovering around. today she hailed me. like just totally out of the blue. I don’t blame her for wondering wtf. I mean, I’m a giant black boss tiltrotor aircraft, it’s pretty obvious I ain’t the Channel Six Weather Chopper doing the morning report. I told her I couldn’t talk about my job, which anywhere around DC makes people think you’re CIA. close enough I guess but I told her I ain’t paramilitary. I’m para some other way less exciting thing. that made her laugh.

so her name’s Georgie. I got a look at the chick through her windshield. shit, she’s pretty cute. like this stacked chick with long braids. she looks a little like my remedial math teacher in ninth grade, Miss Harris, who I had a total boner for. back when I got boners. the Dolphin’s a sick make of copter too.

fuck this superhero job. I get my ass raked over the coals every fucking morning over bullshit.

ok ok so I was supposed to pick up a rep from the EU’s superhero team who was coming to the US to negotiate a foil-pressed crossover team-up mission, only there was a NOT MY FUCKING FAULT misunderstanding about the time difference and the delegation ended up at Ronald Reagan at like five in the morning instead of this afternoon like I was told. when I checked in with the office this morning, Panoptica was all up in my shit cuz I hadn’t been there to get Agent Settergren’s twenty million phone messages. not that I would’ve understood them, they were all like, “ja, this is office of men in lycra I am speaking to now? where please is man with limo & name on cardboard sign?”

fuck that noise. just cuz I live on the roof don’t mean I ain’t got shit to do elsewhere. Panoptica wanted to know where I was at five in the morning. I told her to fuck off. ok technically I told her to skip off. fucking censor software.

fwiw I’ve been getting up every morning before dawn and flying out to the coast to watch the sun rise. its all gulls and fishing boats and me skimming out over the whitecaps, and then I fly home over the rooftops of all the little suburban neighborhoods full of little suburban people and feel just incredibly grateful I’m not them. but ain’t no reason AG-I needs to know that.

anyway they all went off and punched some lava men, whatever.

way fucking late to work again this morning. which takes some effort since I live at the office, in fact I kinda *am* my office, but I just took off in the a.m. & switched off my com equipment. could not take another damn A-Sig team meeting. I hovered around for a while wondering what to do. it was just like when I was a kid, I’d ditch school & end up hiding in the alley across the street cuz I didn’t know what else to do with myself. that got less boring after I got an ancient-ass Gameboy from my Aunt Carol. now I think about it I was a pretty lame kid.

so I ended up flying down to Florida like I said I’d do a billion years ago. OMG the Miami airport is fucking bastards about their airspace. I got your clearance right here, assholes. christ. then it rained & my GPS got screwed up & I never did find the Ding Darling bird sanctuary. now I’m out on a beach somewhere & I fucking got seagulls on me.

But I feel a lot better.

it is totally fucking not my fault I ain’t been posting lately, so everyone who been complaining can eat it. things went to hell and back and then back to hell again at sh & the upshot is we all been reassigned. turns out there are way the fuck more agencies in Black Ops Social Services than I thought. your shadow tax dollars at work, folks.

so my new job sounds completely fucking awesome on paper but I been here a few weeks & it sucks ass. all the nope to this. can’t post more now, my supervisors is all psychic & shit.

got a red card from Sweetheart cuz the SH office was getting complaints from clients about my language. which is bullshit. I can’t cuss as long as I got the censor software in place. Sweetheart said I make even my censored swears sound dirty. she said she doesn’t know what poignant salamander-licking is, but the way I say it, it sounds worse than whatever I was trying to say. 

I don’t even remember what I say that gets covered with “salamander-licking.” doublefuck that noise.

anyway if I get three red cards I have to have a meeting with Gavotte. it’s a new system Sweetheart & Unity made up. originally they came up with it to get Wilkin to stop using the conference room for quickies, & it worked like a charm cuz Wilkin’s fucking terrified of Gavotte. like that’s gonna work with me. she’s bees, dude. big deal.

my transition counselor called. I told him I was dropping the program. he recommended some other services, but I told him I never needed counseling in the first place, remember? I’m a machine, I totes love being a machine, & nothing is gonna make me feel otherwise.

he said, “Nothing?”

I said, “Nothing yapping all day is gonna fix, kthnxbai.”

not after you went & fucked her behind my back, you bimorphic asshole.